Blonde Ambition

I called in yesterday to my full time job. I was going to go in, but when I went to leave, the roads were pretty much a sheet of ice. I hate driving in the ice.

As I skidded to a stop at the stop sign, I thought about the articles that were waiting for me to write. I thought about how much more enjoyable it would be to turn around and go back home. I could sit in front of the computer with my dog at my side, and I could write, write, write.

So I did.

And it was worth it. I had a pretty productive day. I wrote five articles yesterday, and I took a nap.

I could get used to that.

Since I was downsized from my part time job, I have realized how much I could get used to the writing life. I’m not quite where I want to be with it, but I’m slowly inching my way there.

I’ve also had personal issues come up where it would come in handy to be able to work from home. So it is definitely something worth considering for the near future.

I made the finals in Accentuate’s short story contest.

Phew! I was nervous. I still am. There were a lot more entries this time and I am competing against some very talented writers.

The writing contests have grown each time at Accentuate. As the forum grows, more writers try their hand at competing. More members are getting up the nerve to submit an entry. It has been amazing to watch. It is inspiring to see people grow with their writing.

I joined Accentuate in February of this year. I remember feeling like I was walking in shoes that were too big for me when I first joined. I was a dabbler…I dabbled in writing. I had the dream…I still do. But the thought of turning it into something lucrative was so far down the road in my mind that it was just a hazy dream.

Now I have started turning it into something. I have learned so much in such a short amount of time. I think I have shown improvement.

With each contest that I’ve entered there, I have advanced further. Even if I don’t make it any further than where I am right now with this contest, I still see it as an improvement because there was so much talent submitted by other writers.

Of course, I’d still like to win. Who wouldn’t? First place gets $300, their story published in the anthology due out in February, and their name on the cover of that book. I think my name would look damn good on the cover…but maybe that’s just me (hehehe).

Winners will be announced Friday. Woot!

Every once in awhile, if you listen with your heart, I think you can hear the Universe talking to you.

Thirteen years ago, I started dating a man that I loved deeply. We had dated before, but due to circumstances beyond our control, it didn’t work out. A couple years after that, we were given another chance to make it work.

I ended up pregnant immediately.

I’ll admit, at first it was an “Oh, sh*t” moment. But I soon realized that it was the Universe telling me, “Here…don’t screw this up”. Even though we are no longer married, he is still a wonderful father and I know I am lucky to have had children with him.

Now, thirteen years later, the Universe has once again spoken.

I have been wishy-washy about quitting my part time job to see what I can do with my writing. It’s something I’ve always wanted, but have dragged my feet on. I have multiple resources available to me, and several people telling me that I can do it and be successful. But still I hesitated.

Until this week.

This week, I found out that they will be closing the doors to my part time job in less than two weeks. So my choices are to either find another part time job to fill the financial void, or actually follow my heart and start writing.

I’m going to follow my heart. I’m also going to listen with my heart…because if I’m quiet enough, I can hear the Universe telling me in that mysterious way…

“Here, don’t screw it up.”

Maybe I’m just having one of my moods, but I’m seriously beginning to question whether publishing on the web is beneficial to me and where I want to go with my writing.

I have written for Associated Content since January. I loved it at first. It was a giddy feeling to see my first byline…anywhere. And the turnaround was quick…it was a few days max before something I submitted was paid for and published.

The pay was small. Even being new to the scene, I knew that the pay was small.

But I still loved it there.

I’m not going to be one of those writers who complains and whines about not being appreciated for their pure writing genius. I’m not a great web content writer, I know this. My numbers reflect this. I’m not horrible, but I’m not great either.

But I’m starting to wonder if I’m just wasting my time writing online. Especially since places like AC and Helium are starting to disappoint me. And especially since what I really want is to see my byline in a magazine…at least until I get my great novel published.

I’m not foolish enough to think I can jump right in to getting published in a magazine. But I think if I start learning what I need to know and what they look for now while I’m not dependent on what I make with my writing, it would give me a jump start when I’m ready to start my freelancing career full time.

So I think I may take a brief hiatus from AC, and definitely Helium, and start submitting queries to print magazines.

I have also been thinking about signing up for Writers Market. If any readers have any feedback on that, I’d love to hear it.

A very good friend of mine decided this weekend that she is giving her notice on her job so she can get started on her career. Her writing career.

Sigh…why can’t that be me?

Oh wait! It can be me. I just have to make the decision to do it. I’ll be honest. I’m not ready to go full-time with it yet.

But quitting my part-time job to write in the evenings is so close it has me salivating. I talked to my SO tonight (thanks for the lead-in, Rissa). He said it was my choice.

When I asked if he would support me, he said, “What do you mean?”

You gotta love him. He thought I meant support as in, “You pay for everything while I sit on my ass all day and type.” He doesn’t realize that writers can make money.

That’s my fault, I guess. I have told him about my writing gigs so far where I don’t really make a lot of money.

I clarified that by support I meant emotional support…a cheerleader. Rah! Rah! Rah!

That, he can do.

I am going to wait until after Christmas to give my notice…I think…if I can hold out that long. I keep telling myself the extra money would come in handy for Christmas. And I would still like to sell an article to a magazine first so I feel validated in quitting.

But I officially have his support, so the rest is up to me now.

Crikey.

I mean…really, really nice. Sheesh.

He bought me a new car to drive. Now I ask you…how could I tell him I wanted to quit my part time job after he went and did that? It would seem so…ungrateful.

And it wasn’t just that he did that. He also put buying his new truck on hold so I could have this one, which is a much better and safer winter car than what I was driving.

I know there’s some women out there who think they have the best, but I’m telling you…you just don’t get any better than my guy.

So, this is what I’ve decided to do. I’m going to keep writing, as much as I can, in my spare time. I’m going to make as much money as I can, in addition to working my two jobs. I’m also going to get at least one magazine article published…preferably a good paying article. Then I will present him with a fact-filled, “this is just a sample of what I can make”, presentation and go from there.

Besides, if I can hold on until the end of the year, it will just be that much more money I’ll have for Christmas.

I have made a momentous decision. Well, it’s actually a prelude decision to the momentous decision.

I am going to talk to my significant other this weekend about quitting my part time job to write. After giving it a lot of thought, I have decided that this would make me extremely happy. I’ll still have my full-time job for insurance (for now), but by quitting my part-time job, I’ll have those few hours in the evening to devote to writing in the comfort of my home.

I just need to convince him to give me his support. I love him very much. I know he loves me. But, he doesn’t “get” the whole writing thing. To him, it’s a hobby. It’s not a money maker.

I realized that if I were single, I would have quit already. I am notorious in my family for jumping into things with barely a toe test. Now, when it’s something that is important to me, I end up dragging my feet.

Why?

But I’m determined now. And when determination kicks in, I will bulldoze my way to get to what I want.

Poor thing…he doesn’t even know it’s coming.

I can feel a depression coming on. I think I’ve been heading that way for awhile now. I get like that every once in awhile. I don’t know what causes it and I don’t know how to stop it.

I usually just ride it out…miserably.

I can tell I’m heading there because one of the first signs is my anti-social behavior. There are only a select few that I want to be around. I don’t want people stopping by my desk to chit chat. Idle conversation irritates me. I want to be invisible to almost everyone around me.

Another sign is the headaches. I have had a headache now for a week and a half. OTC medication just dulls the pain and makes it tolerable for a little while. Then it comes back full force…enough to drive me to my knees.

Yet another sign is my inability to function. I find myself getting further and further behind at work because I lack the motivation to do what needs to be done.

It’s going to make it hard to focus on what I need to as far as my goals go. I have a hard time writing when I feel this way.

I can see all the signs…but I have not figured out how to stop it.

How do you get a handle on depression?

Ambition (noun): desire to achieve a particular end (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary)

I’m giving myself, and this blog a fresh start. Everyone needs one once in awhile, don’t you think? So, I revamped the look of the blog, and I’ll be focusing on my ambitions for my life.

So, what are my ambitions?

Money, for one. I don’t need a lot of money. I’m a simple kind of girl. I don’t need or want a lot. But I would like enough to be able to pay off some bills so I can quit my part time job. Working two jobs is wearing me down fast.

I suck with money, so this one is going to be hard for me.

I would also like to be a (successful) writer.

I named this blog Blonde Ambition before I really knew what I wanted it to be about. I just liked the play on words (blind ambition)…and I’m blonde.

I could have joined the Boundless Living Challenge to motivate me to attain my goals. I considered doing that. But I’m not a very sociable person most of the time. I have my moments, but for the most part I don’t like feeling like I have to participate in things. And I can be very self-absorbed which makes me feel guilty when I don’t feel like I’m supportive enough for others in the group.

Okay, so my goals are to gain financial freedom and to work harder at my writing. Lucky for me, they’ll go hand-in-hand. The more successful I become at writing, the more money I’ll make, which will enable me to quit my part time job and focus on becoming even more successful as a writer.

So for the rest of this week, to help achieve my ambitions, i am going to:

1. Keep a log of every cent I spend
2. Submit my two Demand Studios articles
3. Write one article to submit to a magazine

That’s a pretty good start, don’t you think?

Yesterday was one of those days that felt like somebody was out to get me. I didn’t know what direction the next blast would be coming from…but I knew it was coming. I couldn’t even write about it yesterday…I had to give myself a full day of distance to talk about it.

It started out with waking up and finding out my checking account was overdrawn. It ended with a 14+ hour workday, a wet driver’s seat and an almost dead battery.

Don’t ask.

It’s tough to make me cry. I don’t like to cry…my eyes get all red and my face gets blotchy. I’m not one of those attractive cryers. But yesterday damn near brought me to tears a couple times.

It turns out I have PMS. I’m not saying that’s why my Monday sucked. But I certainly don’t think it helped my reaction to the suckiness.

I’m sure someone somewhere reading this is thinking that PMS isn’t a real affliction. To those people I say…bite me.

I’m also sure there are some women who are reading this who don’t suffer from PMS.

Well, aren’t you just oh-so-special?

I suffer from it. I never know what form it’s going to take either…will I be weepy, crying over a stupid commercial? Or will I turn into a psychotic bitch from hell? Or better yet…a lovely combination of the two?

Oh, joyous times are had by all when that happens.

If you’re interested, I wrote a PMS survival guide for men a while ago.

I thought it was funny.